‘I need some Space!’

It’s not a great statement to hear is it? ‘I need some space!’ It’s usually a phrase we hear when there’s trouble in paradise for the ‘it’ couple on a tv show or movie. It’s a phrase we dread to hear from our partners, as those words usually come from a result of tension, challenge, pain, and often times lead to relationships ending, or drastically changing (or at the very least, very difficult conversations). Have you ever heard those words from someone? How did you take it?

Truth is, that is a very stereotypical and perhaps cynical view of that statement. Somehow, the idea of needing space has become a bad thing! Perhaps, the above description is more dramatic than what you have experienced or lived, but I bet the idea of needing space is still one that only really surfaces when things are bad, stressful, tense… dare I say at breaking point!

WHY? Why is space seen as such a bad thing?

Let me step back a bit, and perhaps add some context to the conversation. I am a person, who likes being busy… Well, to an extent! But, I like having a full calendar; I like having things to do with my family, with work, with friends; I like knowing that there is always something coming up… there is always the ‘next thing’ to do or look forward to. For some, being busy is a bad thing, but for me, it’s great… it energises me, it’s life-giving to have things to do! And while I write this… well… I am on Sabbatical… with a practically empty calendar… Don’t misunderstand me, this Sabbatical has been a blessing (and there is still plenty to do, from Masters dissertation, family time, etc), however it has been strange to have so much space compared to my ‘norm.’ But, it wasn’t until I was recently invited by a good friend to go on retreat to Bardsey Island, that the importance and value of space truly impacted me.

‘Bardsey Island is a wild Welsh island located 2 miles off the Llŷn Peninsula. With a rich wildlife, dramatic coastline and fascinating history.’¹ ‘Bardsey Island has a long and deep spiritual history. There were monks living and praying on the island for over a thousand years, and in more recent times many people of profound faith have been associated with this special place.’² Taking time to retreat, find space, to stop, pray and reflect has always been thought to be a good thing. Within church life, it is something that we hear often. I mean, heck, I have even preached it from the front, many times, how important it is to take time, make space, to stop… But let’s be honest, that can be hard… It has to be intentional… and Bardsey was just that for me, a forced disconnect.

The island is a beautifully disconnected place. There is no electricity, no phone signal, and no running water (that means that the toilet facilities, are a glamourised bucket). If you know me, you know that I have my iPhone pretty permanently attached to my hand, I love a good long shower, and well, I wont go into my toilet habits, but a flush is pretty essential. To say that I was nervous about this ‘retreat.’ Would be an understatement. However, the moment I stepped foot on the island – scrap that, the moment I stepped foot on the boot to cross over to the island, I had the greatest sense of space. The island has been described by many as a thin place, meaning, there’s are real sense of God’s heavenly presence there. While I wouldn’t deny that, I can’t say that I felt this supernatural Godly presence immediately… BUT, that peace that comes with space, silence and lack of connectivity… that I felt pretty instantaneously.

Going back to basics really allowed me time to think, to pray, to read my bible, to get creative, to simply sit, to swim in absolutely freezing water (which was soooooo good btw) and stare at God’s beautiful creation… To be reminded of God’s ‘bigness’ and gloriousness. Sat there, staring at the ocean, listening to the waves crashing down, I was reminded just how miniature I am (and that’s saying something, given I spend so much of my life being called a giant). I was reminded that no matter how big my problems are, stresses are, to-do list or whatever is, God is soooooooooo much greater. I know that sounds silly to say. Like, DUH!!!! Right?! And it’s not something I didn’t already know! But it was something that became so crystal clear to me from simply making space and taking time to disconnect from everything around me. This is not a new concept either. We see Jesus do this repeatedly throughout scriptures. We see him retreat, by himself, to pray, to reflect on what he’s been going through. We see in some of his prayers to the father, his absolute frustration and desperation shown (even to the point of sweating blood). And it’s all in context of Jesus having found space to retreat and remove himself from all other distractions!!!

So, am I saying that you too have to go to an island that has no technology, running water, and that you have to handle your business in a bucket, and wash with rain water in the garden? Well, YEAH!!! (Kinda). I would totally recommend going to Bardsey Island, it is most def a special place (I will be back, not just on my own, but with family and friends as well!!). It does’t just have to be there, or even finding space to that extreme, but I do think finding space is crucial for our own reflections, prayers and life journeys. I think we are made in way that, we need space at times, and that’s not only ok, but good! Our space may all look different. I have discovered (or rediscovered) that being in front of the ocean, on the ocean, near the ocean even, is a good thing for me. That’s hard being that I live surrounded by fields in rural Cambridgeshire. However, I have decided, that at least once a month, I will take a day, or hours in a day, to head to the seaside… sit on the beach, pray, reflect, take some space. Feel free to hold me to account (I def need reminding often I know). I need some space in my life. I need to be intentional in taking that space, because the benefits and fruit from that space are so essential. So, what about you? Do you need some space?

1. https://www.bardsey.org/about ↩︎
2. https://www.bardsey.org/spirituality ↩︎