*** WARNING – this post will include some spoilers! In addition it will also deal with potentially triggering content such as sexual abuse, drug addiction, stalking, and more. ***
Without meaning to sound harsh (cue everyone disagreeing with me now) if you haven’t heard of ‘Baby Reindeer’ in some way shape or form, you’re living under a rock. Be it the fact you were one of the 65 million people who have watched it world wide, or you have seen clips on social media of the show, or the countless reaction videos, or you simply hear someone talking about it around the water cooler, ‘Baby Reindeer’ has been a big topic in the minds of many. In all honesty, my deciding to write about it now, is somewhat ‘behind the curve.’ However, it was some comments my wife received from some colleagues about the show, that prompted me to write.
That being said, some background info on the show is necessary. ‘Based on a compelling true story, the hit 2019 Edinburgh Fringe one-man stage-play, Baby Reindeer follows the writer and performer Donny Dunn’s warped relationship with his female stalker and the impact it has on him as he is ultimately forced to face a deep, dark buried trauma.’1 One of the deeply interesting aspects of the show, beyond its surface level plot, is how it is not simply presenting the dichotomy of good vs evil, rather it has a very realistic and life-like gray area, where most of life sits. As a viewer you find yourself rooting and supporting the main character Donny, while also repeatedly questioning why he has decided to make the decisions he has. He could have avoided this whole thing really… but he kept on going…. WHY? It’s that gray area of life. While the show ‘is a dramatised account of the stalking its writer and star, Richard Gadd, says he suffered, he’s since talked about the programme telling his “emotional truth”. In its opening episode, the show claims “This is a true story”. Baby Reindeer’s popularity immediately led internet sleuths to hunt the “real figures” behind the fictional characters.2 The show in itself was already going to draw in big crowds, but the fact it is a ‘true story’ added to its attractiveness, which in turn led to the anonymity of the alleged stalker to be forsaken as they all went on the hunt. This has now led to all sorts of further accusations, interviews, lawsuits and so on, further adding to the intrigue and draw to the show. While the details of the aftermath are very interesting indeed, that’s not the point for today.
The show is a great watch… it’s a HARD watch… but its a great watch.
It being a hard watch was what perhaps led me to write about it. Once we’d started watching the show, my wife asked some of her colleagues if they had tuned into any of the show. ‘Oh no, I can’t watch that. It’s too real, to heavy… I can’t handle that.’ That style of comment comes as a real shock to me, and in all honesty, it comes with a real sadness as well. This may seem a bit overdramatic for some, but please stick with me. This show, is a hard watch, yes, BUT it’s hard, because it reflects the state of the world we live in. I am a glass half full kind of person (well, usually). That is normally a good thing, but sometimes it can paint a false narrative, and can lead to avoid the reality that is right in front of us. Simply put, the world is a broken place. Real life is full of people that I know and you know, that are battling drug addictions; that have been abused sexually, emotionally, physically; people battling mental health issues of all sorts; people who are at the very bottom of the pit, battling to find a reason to keep breathing. Real life is messy and hard to watch and live sometimes. Real life doesn’t always have the black and white of heroes and villains. Real life isn’t always white picket fences, with the perfect job, perfect partner, 2.5 children and the pet. Real life is hard, and messy. The truth is, ‘Baby Reindeer’ does a brilliant job of presenting reality (for some at least), without the frills and without the beautifully presented bows, rather just simply in its gritty, sometimes grimey troublesome self. Potentially one of the most difficult scenes to watch was one in which the main character is sexually abused. It’s not only the physical depiction that was near painful to endure, but also the mental and emotional turmoil it led to. The depths of despair reflected are real, and portrayed so well that you can almost feel it as a viewer! It’s painful, but it’s real!
The choice to avoid watching something like this show says a lot, I think, about the state of the world we live in. The fact that many people can’t face the truth of the world and would rather watch the ‘reality tv shows’ like ‘Love Island’ or ‘Naked Attraction’ (I mean, how that show ever even got the greenlight is still a shock to me) demonstrates a ‘head buried in the sand’ state. Why are we so afraid to be confronted with the truth? Why can we not look at the brokenness that exists and address it? To be fair, the existence of these other shows, to distract us from the real reality of the world, says a lot as well: they act as such an escape from the reality we live in!
You might be reading this thinking: ‘Flip Adrian, thanks for the doom and gloom. There goes my positive thinking for the day… I thought you said you were a glass half full kind of guy?!?!?!’ I am. See, truth is, I watch a show like ‘Baby Reindeer’, and ultimately what it does, is drop me to my knees in prayer. You see, while I believe that the world is truly broken and challenging to watch and be a part of sometimes, I also believe that we have a God who doesn’t shy away from our brokenness. I believe God meets us in our mess and brokenness, and leads us into freedom, healing and wholeness that can only really be found in Him.
If you’re a non-Christian reading this, you may default to ignoring this or simply switching off at this point… don’t just yet… because whether you believe in God or not, I’d say, we have an opportunity to make a difference. What might it look like to truly see the world for what it is. How might you and I speak into the brokenness that exists in parts of our own lives. Do you need to address, and be real about something? Is there someone around you who is dealing with real life, desperately seeking someone like you to help them? In truly seeing real life, engaging with it and not ignoring it, we can make a difference.
I know that sometimes, carrying the weight of realness of the world is, well heavy. And I know it may seem easier to just ignore the outside world. However, pretending it isn’t happening isn’t going to make anything better. If anything, it will lead to more pain, despair and general brokenness. If like me you find some of the ‘realness’ too much sometimes, maybe I can remind you (or suggest to you for the first time) that God is ready to step into our realness, and can truly bring peace, calm, direction healing and restoration.
So what do you think? Can we all risk engaging with the reality of life? I mean really?!?
**** Please know, if you’re affected by anything discussed above, there IS help out there. Can I encourage you to reach out to friends, family, authorities, or whoever is appropriate for the support you need! There is always a way forward! ****
Simple Faith 
Excellent blog Adrian, thank you.
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Thanks so much 🙂
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